


Tonight

by aishahiwatari



Series: Trektober 2019 [21]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Dates, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 21:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishahiwatari/pseuds/aishahiwatari
Summary: Because what Jim overheard, what he wishes he could forget, what stabs him in the heart every time he thinks about it, is the conversation he heard between two of the new medical techs.“So- what’s the story with Doctor McCoy? He single?”“Oh, don’t even bother. He told Chapel he’s going to try and get a date, this Valentines Day. So- if he comes in the morning after in a terrible mood, you could maybe try then?”(for day 21 of Trektober 2019, prompt: Valentines)





	Tonight

Jim doesn’t mean to overhear. It’s not his fault. His crew should be more discrete, and it’s working out for the best now that he knows, anyway, so what right does anyone have to complain?

Least of all him.

Still, he can lock himself away in his quarters and be lonely for a while, can’t he? Not like anybody will miss him, not with everything that’s going on around the ship. All the dates everyone is having. He doesn’t think he can stand to be around it all.

He can rarely stand to be around other people on Valentine’s day, anyway, but this one is worse than ever.

Before- Starfleet, he just went and got drunk with all the other sad loners too self-destructive to care what they were doing.

And then- he’d tried to keep doing it, that first time, stumbled into the first bar he found that wasn’t decorated in pink and scanned the crowd to see who he might want to go home with. He hit the jackpot, in that terrible dive bar too far from campus to be any good.

“Oh, God, what do you want?” Bones asked, when Jim fell into the seat beside him at the bar.

“Just some friendly company, Bones.”

“I am only one of those three things. Try your cheap lines somewhere else.”

Jim just smiled. He waved down the bartender who wisely held out a hand for his credit chip before she’d start a tab. And then he said. “My lines are cheap, but the whiskey isn’t,” as she deposited the bottle on the bar in front of them. He thought that was pretty good.

It had worked out, anyway. Two drinks in, and he thought he was getting somewhere, inching under or around the impressive defensive barriers Bones cast up around himself. Three and he’d been convinced there was a chance he was getting laid, those dark eyes roving over him lazily, Bones more tactile than he had ever been, before.

Except they didn’t stop at three drinks. Not even close. By the time they left, it wasn’t Valentine’s day any more and they could barely stagger back to campus and Jim lost one of his boots in the fountain.

He’d even convinced Bones to let him stay on his couch, because his roommate had his girlfriend over and he didn’t want to have to deal with that, or to force them to deal with him.

Bones made him drink a glass of water before bed and left him another, along with a detox hypo, when he staggered out to work the next morning, leaving Jim still dozing.

It was the best Valentine’s day Jim had ever had, and since then it’s been something of a tradition to spend theirs together, getting drunk and complaining about the rest of the world.

Okay, this year it was going to be complaining while staying sober in his ready room until the start of gamma shift, when Sulu could take over, but-

Jim will still miss it.

Because what he overheard, what he wishes he could forget, what stabs him in the heart every time he thinks about it, is the conversation he heard between two of the new medical techs.

“So- what’s the story with Doctor McCoy? He single?”

“Oh, don’t even bother. He told Chapel he’s going to try and get a date, this Valentines Day. So- if he comes in the morning after in a terrible mood, you could maybe try then?”

The conversation descended into idle gossip, after that, but Jim had heard enough. Bones is making plans. There’s somebody he wants to date.

He’s never even mentioned it to Jim, just rolls his eyes and shakes his head whenever it comes up, claims he’s not ready for all the hassle.

Jim guesses he’s changed his mind.

And he’ll talk to him about it. He will. He just- needs a little time to himself, first. To deal with it. To prepare himself for having a conversation that cannot, will not dissolve into Jim just bursting into tears and demanding to know why it couldn’t be him. Why he wasn’t enough.

Because it’s not about that. Bones is the best friend he’s ever had, the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He deserves to be happy. Jim isn’t going to jeopardise that.

He just needs to lowkey ignore him for maybe a week, first. A week that includes Valentines’ day. Bones brushes it off, the first few times, then begins to sound suspicious. And then he ends a comm with a muttered curse that makes Jim’s heart seize, because that means he’s hurt.

It’s better in the long run, Jim tells himself. And if the display screen is a little blurred, and his chest hurts, and he has to clear his throat before issuing any orders, well, it’s better than losing his best friend for good.

He makes it all the way to the evening in question, somehow knows the moment the doors to the Bridge slide open behind him that something bad is coming.

Bones has stormed right past hurt and into furious, marches in with blazing eyes and set posture and an actual hypo in his hand. Jim actually leans away from him a little, in his chair. He’s never seen him this bad before, not since the day they met.

“So help me, I will use this if you don’t get your ass out there right now!”

Jim glances to Chekov, who shakes his head with wide eyes and an expression that tells him he’s on his own. He’s had the conn before. He’ll probably be fine. And if Bones wants to do this now, instead of being on his date, well, Jim probably shouldn’t take a vicious satisfaction in that victory like some sort of terrible person, but he does anyway.

It’s probably not ideal for the less experienced crew on the Bridge to witness this flagrant lack of professionalism, but they probably need to get used to that kind of thing if they’re going to have any hope of surviving on the Enterprise.

Jim nods, follows Bones when he huffs and leads the way, not to Med-Bay but past it, to the CMO’s quarters. Damnit. Jim is definitely getting shouted at. He’s ushered into the room before Bones, with a heavily sarcastic version of the otherwise chivalrous gesture, guiltily avoids Bones’ eyes, stops dead in the doorway and then is roughly shoved through it, into-

He might actually cry. It’s gorgeous in here, dim lights and furniture cleared aside, just a table set for two with crystal wine glasses, flickering holo-candles and the fantastic smell of food.

“I’ll thank you for this, one day,” Bones says, too, but when Jim turns to face him he moves, keeps behind him, wraps arms tightly around his waist in a bear hug to pin his arms and keep him looking forwards, seeing all of this effort until his eyes slide shut, vision blurring anyway. “It made me realise- that you’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. I know, now, what the hell’s been going on these last few days. Someone ratted. And it would never even occur to you to come talk to me about it, like a well-adjusted human being.

“You’ve come so far, Jim. I’m so damn proud of you, every day. But something like this, and you slip right back into your old habits. I was so mad at you. Avoiding me, when I was trying to have a meaningful discussion? It’s- immature and ridiculous and like being right back there after the first Maru all over again.

“Except I know you. And I guess I’m stupid too because it took me a while to figure it out, because even after all this time- you don’t believe that anybody, even me, might want you. It’s you, you idiot. I don’t want to get drunk and forget about this day, any more. I want to get drunk and enjoy it with you.

“Now- I thought I’d demonstrated, and you understood, but clearly it wasn’t enough, so I’m gunna go ahead and say the words, you ready?”

Jim sobs, shakes his head. His eyes are squeezed shut, a pointless defence against the tears streaming down his face.

“I love you, Jim. I’m sorry I didn’t understand sooner. Will you have dinner with me? As more than friends?”

Jim nods, sniffling, is pulled around and into a proper hug so he can wrap his arms around Bones and hold on and cry like he’s been wanting to for days. He can’t believe it. Except he must, because there’s nothing else that could make him feel like this.

Every time he tries to say how he feels, to apologise, to tell Bones that of course he loves him back, he’s just an idiot terrified of losing the one person who keeps him going, he just cries harder.

And Bones squeezes him tighter, and strokes his hair, and says, “I know, darlin’, it’s alright.”

Jim has red, puffy eyes and blotchy skin by the time he’s done, must look ridiculous, can’t breathe through his nose, but Bones has seen him at his worst, at lows he never intends to sink to again. He doesn’t even blink. In fact, he looks at him like he’s beautiful and it nearly sets Jim off again.

“You need a minute? You can have it, if you promise you’ll come back and not just spend the evening hiding out in the head.”

Jim wrinkles his nose. Alright, he had been considering it. He’s not sure how to deal with any of this, but he knows how he wants to. At Bones’ side. Or- opposite him. He hadn’t really been planning on eating tonight.

“You go. Get changed out of your uniform, too. And I’ll get out of mine. How’s that for an incentive to come back?”

Okay. That does make Jim smile, a little. He reaches out, and lets himself trace the line of Bones’ jaw, like he’s always stopped himself from doing, and Bones turns his head to kiss his fingertips, and everything about it is perfect but Jim himself.

“I’ve never-“ Jim starts, and then swallows, and clears his throat, but Bones doesn’t look impatient, just waits for him to catch up. “I’ve never done this. I’ve never had- anyone.”

Bones kisses him, then, as though his words might not be enough, murmured against Jim’s lips. “You’ve always had me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m also on [Tumblr](https://aishahiwatari.tumblr.com/)


End file.
